I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
