Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
there's paper in my vomit.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
