when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
