ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
