All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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