I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
