so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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