What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
