i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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