This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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