My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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