dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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