Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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