Don't make out with my wife yet
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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