You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
