she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
