I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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