This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She bit a glass in half.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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