I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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