I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
