I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
