I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
