I think scott just propositioned me for sex
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
