he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
