Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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