Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
