so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
