Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
