you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
