I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
