when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
