Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
