when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
