please come you make the beer taste better
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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