Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
