I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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