so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize