Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Found the puke drawer
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
