Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
