i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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