So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
