I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
