I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
