I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
