omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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