My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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