A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
