His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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