Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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