the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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